Happy New Year, Friends! At the beginning of December I decided my New Year’s Resolution would be to post something on my blog everyday. Since it’s now January 9th and I started this article with “Happy New Year, Friends”, I think you can probably tell how long I waited before I broke that resolution.
I think I’ll blame it on the cold, or maybe I’ll blame it on the flu I have been battling since Christmas. Maybe I’ll Milli Vanilli it and blame it on the rain. Anyway, lets move on to my super awesome bling nails in hopes that their sparkly goodness will distract you from the fact that I broke my resolution before I even told a single soul what I resolved to do. Oh well, there’s always 2015.
They say necessity is the mother of invention, and I won’t argue that. However, while we’re on the subject of invention’s family tree, I’d like to note that necessity may very well be its mother, but poverty seems to be its grandmother. At least how I see it, that is. Case in point: I love buying stuff to do my nails. I cannot walk into a store without perusing through the beauty section to see what kind of amazing gadgets and doo-dads they have to make my nails the envy of all who see them. Then I look at the price of those gadgets and doo-dads, and I usually want to faint, cry or scream. My bank account is not able to support my nail habit. Hell, Oprah’s bank account wouldn’t be able to support my nail habit. Once I’ve fully realized the inequality between what I want and what I can afford, I slowly and dejectedly shuffle out of the beauty section looking like Travis Coates right after he notices that slime on Yeller’s chin isn’t just run of the mill dog drool. And then I do what every other red-blooded American woman desperate for drop dead gorgeous nails does: I buy the stuff anyway, keeping it hidden from the hubby until such a time as I innocently pull it out and exclaim “Wow! I can’t believe I forgot I had this!” Ok, so I don’t do that ALL the time (or anytime if you’re reading this, honey). Sometimes I go home moping around the house looking for inspiration until I find it, or until my ADHD kicks in and I forget what I was looking for. On this day I found it!!
The nails featured in this post were created from re-purposed materials THAT I DIDN’T BUY! Where did I get them, you ask? Easy! After Christmas I was “cleaning up” (read: snooping through everyone’s loot to see what I was going to lay claim to), and I noticed my living room looked like a gift bag had gotten a stomach flu and puked all over it. There were various types of wrappings and trimmings everywhere. At first, I cursed it. After all, cursing is one of my strong points, and I like to keep in practice as to not lose that particular skill. Then, out of nowhere a flash of genius struck. WHAT IF I USED THE TRIMMINGS TO DECORATE MY NAILS?
And so that which I had cursed quickly became that which I had blessed. I gathered all the shiny tinsel like ribbon that had been used as gift bag fill as well as all the tissue paper, ribbons and anything else I could salvage. I broke out my craft box and found some glitter and rhinestones I had purchased several years ago when I convinced myself making hair bows was a good use of my time, and in no time my nails were like stars on the tips of my fingers.
I’m not even kind of exaggerating here. These things got ATTENTION! The good kind of attention. The kind that has women falling at your feet, begging to kiss the polish. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but I totally got a few “your nails are better than mine” dagger stares every time I left the house. Hand-to-God, I had a meeting with a beautiful young professional lawyer who, in the middle of our meeting stopped mid-sentence and said, “I know I keep looking at your nails, but it’s because they are fabulous!” That’s when I knew if I were to die, at least I would die happy and my nails would be the prettiest at the funeral. In that moment, life was good. I contemplated making a bumper sticker with “Who cares about your honor student? HAVE YOU SEEN MY NAILS?”, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to gloat. At least not too much, anyway.
Hope you enjoyed my bling!
Love, Peace, and Chicken Grease,